Confession

So like most people I had a list of New years resolution.  And like most it didn't work out so well.  The only one that did is trimming the fat of drama in my life.  It hasn't been easy since drama comes knocking at the door.  But I have managed to deflect most of it.  Getting back to the list,  haven't gotten out of debt.  At least I can honestly say I haven't made it any worse. Well let's talk about the actual trimming the fat part.  Some how I have managed not to lose any weight but to actually gain some.  12 pounds to be exact.   I weighed myself last night and was in complete shock.  Not sure why,  when it was obvious that I was.  But I have been in pure denial.  Ignoring that I am more tired, blaming it on stress.  Ignoring that I started having back aches,  must be the mattress.  And the craziest thing ordering clothes and when they couldn't fit,  simply blaming that they run small.  Even though several times it was from different companies.  Nope, I needed to see the answer on the scale.  I have gotten to a weight that my poor little 5'4 body cannot handle.  I would have never thought in a million years I would be this heavy.  I must change,  but how do I actually convince myself to change.  I want to be better.  I want to break the cycle for my kids especially my daughter.  No matter if I try to make them healthy,  I know I need to live by example.  But at what point do I belive it enough to make a difference.  I was so sad last night,  determined too make a change.  Yet today couldn't resist the donuts at work for breakfast . See food is not my problem I usually can go the whole day without eating any real food.  But sweets that is my down fall.  Lunch, swore I would be better but nope that didn't happen.  Went to a Cuban restaurant and ordered a chocolate batido(Spanish milkshake) just because I haven't had it in a long time.  Came home felt so guilty over today decided that I wanted to walk.  But all the workout clothes I have are frumpy.  I remember once reading that you should feel sexy working out.  That the clothes you wear can make a difference in your workout altogether.  Well I bought me one new outfit, let's see.  Now I have to find the time to workout.  I know it's an excuse but it really is a legitimate one.  I cannot workout in the morning because there will be no one home to watch my kids.  When I get out of work it's pick kids up,  cook dinner and football practice.  I don't make it home until almost 9pm. Then it's feed kids,  take a bath and off to bed.  After that pack for next day.  Time is definitely a sought out commodity and I have to find it.  Wish me luck on my journey.